The Christmas present I came out to this morning:

They didn’t leave a note. Since the car is 12 years old, I don’t have collision, so my insurance will not cover the damages. Ironically someone smashed the other side 2 years ago and drove off, so now at least it matches. I suppose symmetry is beauty.

Yanno, I just wrote a several page long post outlining my thoughts, anxieties, and general ranting about various items that have been stolen from me over the last few years. Now that I feel better having loudly banged that out on the keyboard, I’ve deleted it all to spare you the details. I leave you with this: I refuse to play be a victim here.

I’m thankful for my health since I was not *in* the car when it was hit, so now I am going to work towards fixing this situation. As for the Honda, I’m going to donate it to charity – most places can accept totaled vehicles for parts. But I’m in a little trouble because I need something to get around since I am sort of on the road for a living.

Okay, options…options..

Option 1:

When Ted Passon had his car flipped by Philadelphia, he asked for 300 people to donate $10 to help him purchase a new car. Philadelphia answered. I would humbly like to request $10 from my faithful readers to help me fund a new Goulash mobile. I see by my site analytic that this blog gets over 12,000 unique visitors a month that enjoy over 100 of my fantastic (and free) stories. 300 people donating $10 would account for 2.5% of my total monthly visitors, and be enough for a new [used] car. Currently, the ads running on my site are not even covering the costs of my web hosting, so I need to make this request.

BONUS: Anyone that donates over $100 will receive a free hand drawn sketch of “Nagymama”, signed by me. Suitable for framing!

If you like T-shirts or are naked while reading this, you can also purchase any one of these fine items from my Zazzle Store. I get about 15% of any purchases of my merchandise. Make sure you use a Zazzle Coupon Code to save on shipping & stuff.

Option 3:

Every year, I help fund the production of these materials for Project Twenty1, a volunteer  organization that helps inspire, connect, exhibit, and promote artists through film. We now have Project Twenty1 DVDs & Memberships for sale. My partner and I have been fronting most of the cash to help pay for stuff like this, so any purchase helps pay back my initial investment. The rest of the proceeds go to a really good cause, and the products are amazing.

Bonus: If you are already planning on buying American Goulash shirts on Zazzle, you can also pick up Project Twenty1 T-shirts as late Holiday Gifts and save on shipping!

Option 4:

If you don’t have any money to spare in this economy, please click one of my ads. Just once – any more will invalidate it. I’ll get a nickle, and every little bit counts. Or, if you think anyone is interested in hilarious-but-true stories, forward along this URL as your gift to me. I get a couple pennies from ads for unique visits, too!

Option 5:

Finally, if anyone knows someone trustworthy that is selling a used car around the Greater Philadelphia Area, let me know. I prefer a simple car, nothing sporty, nothing too big – something that doesn’t burn too much gas. I’m a hippie. 🙂

More pictures of the Horror (with snarky commentary!)

The smasher even left a piece of their car, but no markings. That’s stealthy! Maybe it was a Ninja…

Notice that there is no ice on the road, so it wasn’t a season-related accident. Someone must have reached for their cellphone or enjoyed too much holiday eggnog – at 8 a.m. They got started early, I suppose.

Cop told me not to even bother calling my insurance company. He also said they were going 25-35 mph. Either that’s a lie, or they build cars like crap these days. Or the car that hit me was made out of lead, bricks, diamonds, or something really hard….maybe it was the Wienermobile!

Since I’m into Marketing, I don’t want to miss this opportunity to brand…The stylish…new…’98 Honda Civic SMASH! Black, silver, and crackly all over! Limited edition!

It rubs against the wheel…for her pleasure.

Who needs a gas cap cover? With the new ’98 Honda Civic SMASH, we avoid gas cap covers to give our customers aerodynamic style! Plus, it’s easier criminals can easily siphon your gas!

Why waste time opening your trunk… when it can be open ALL THE TIME! Can you still hide BODIES in your trunk? I say, “YES!” With the new Honda Civic SMASH, you can just put live people in there and wait for it to rain so they drown*. (*Drowning not a guarantee. They might be able to swim).

The New Honda Civic SMASH also has a gypsy curse on it! Just take a look at it’s vehicle History:

2005: Car Purchased in February. On May 3 (My Birthday), side window cut out & car broken into. Stereo, winter coat, painting to be delivered to client, as well as mom’s birthday gift (same day as mine) and the new stereo I was going to get installed stolen from trunk. Everyone in the entire parking lot also had their gas siphoned.

2006: The hood of someone’s old jalopy flew off their car on I-95. I swerved to miss it, but rather than hit the median, I let it bounce off my bumper.They kept on driving. I didn’t get the huge steaks it left fixed as a reminder that each day on this earth is a gift.

2007: Four Days Before Christmas: Opposite side of car smashed in Borders Parking Lot – hit & run. That side no longer opens.

2008: Two Days Before Christmas: Car broken into. No stereo for them to steal so they stole all Toys for Tots & Christmas Gifts stolen from locked trunk, my laptopp, & my aunt’s Christmas gift.

2009: Christmas Eve. Well, that’s the fun I’m having right now!

Think of the years and years of frustration you can have with the New Honda Civic SMASH! Yours for only $9.99! (Plus shipping & Handling. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.Some assembly required. Void where prohibited by law. All Rights Reserved. No purchase necessary. Batteries not included. Authorized personnel only. One size fits all. May be too intense for some viewers. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Edited to fit on  your screen. Dry clean only.)

Thanks, you guys…

PS: Don’t tell Anyu. I’m serious. It will ruin her Christmas. I’ll tell her once this whole situation is sorted out.