Phone call transcription: “Anyu, what do you want for your birthday?”‘ “A man…” “Walmart is fresh out of those, what else?” “A nice rich husband to take me out dancing.” ” Yes, that’s located in the same isle as ‘Man’, and that isle is closed due to severe shortages…Seriously, mom, do you need anything?” “I […]
When I was in college, my roommate offered me her usual Friday-night babysitting job because she has a hot date instead. “No freaking way,” I said, “When my cousin had a baby, they had to sit me down on the couch and surround me with pillows so I wouldn’t break it’s neck with my man-hands.” […]
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On April 5th this year, Nagymama turned 97-years-old. To celebrate such a momentous occasion, I decided to make a platter of ninety-seven of her favorite Snacky Cakes® for her to enjoy. “You’re freakin’ crazy,” my mom said over the phone. “Where you gonna get ninety-seven cakes?” “Snacky Cakes®, mom, yah know, the Little Debbie kind […]
Last weekend, I was suddenly inspired to start a garden, despite the fact that I have a million impending deadlines to deal with, a stack of receipts to calculate for my taxes, and an illogical fear of worms. I think part of the reason I was compelled to rip apart the weed-filled flowerbed is because […]
No one ever calls my home phone number except for telemarketers and my mother. After listening to six “very urgent messages about your car’s warranty,” I finally heard a familiar voice: Hallo, Stephanie….dis is your modder. Don’t forget, today is April Fooled, so be careful nobody puts poison in your food. Wow. Next March 31st, […]
